Starting Wednesday, April 21st, Stefan's phone will go straight to voice mail on the first few tries, the message is as follows:

"You've reached the voice mail box of Stefan Salvatore. He can't come to the phone right now, he's ...spending quality time with his brother... but feel free to leave a message. If he's a very, very good boy, I might give it to him. Or not. Ta!"

The voice will be the same as the one on Damon Salvatore's voice mail. If you want to speak to Hyde, call back a few times and he'll eventually answer and taunty mctaunt you.

She was drinking alone. Pulling away from her friends. I did this to her, brought her into my problems and my darkness and ... Elena admitted thinking she's my pawn. She finally accepts that I'm capable of hurting her and she still wants to be near me.

That isn't healthy. It isn't right. I feel like I've broken her in some way for her to admit to feeling and knowing all of that but still wanting to be with me. Wanting to be a vampire.

All I have left is protecting her and making sure she recovers.

Rogues:

-Find out if Pearl's taken any in and what her intentions are. Anna said they have a few rogues. A number would be nice, but probably not going to get it in the near future.

-Find their safehouses.Quinn and Prue tracked one back to a safe house. The area is residential, I'll try to get the sheriff in on this one.

-The rest... ?

Patrols:

-Longer nights, maybe working in quadrants and focusing on where attacks are clustered? Geographic profiling. Quinn and Prue offered to assist and I accepted. There's too much to cover by myself.

Threshold:

-With that many rogues and so few of us, we need to establish a barrier. But who would want to live in a house full of vampires.Claire's boyfriend, Cass,is moving in.

Residents:

-Find out where everyone stands. Sometimes people surprise you in all around good ways.

To Do:

-Teach Prue to batch solvent the vervain
-Plant some more (Home Depot run: soil, plant food, bedding tubs, UV bulbs)
-Grocery shopping
-Liquor store
-Wood tipped arrows? How hard could a compound bow really be?

I can smell Damon's chair in the other room, if there aren't maggots in the blood soaked padding yet, there will be. The other day I considered having it restored for him, but my thoughts just- I hate freezing up and being so unsure of what to do about anything remotely concerning him, wondering what he'll read into on a gesture he won't notice until he comes back. It could be decades until then but my thoughts refuse to cooperate.

Cura te ipsum.

I don't know what to write. Or how long I've been sitting here staring at this blank page holding my pen.

Things fell apart and it was my fault this time. Damon left and I'm still worried for him, he looked so unraveled. I wanted to protect him from Katherine and made this worse-

Katherine.

Am I wrongly vilifying her? I let go a lot of the horrible things my brother has done. A lot of the same things she is guilty of. Katherine was spoiled, yes, but we agreed and indulged her. Father and Damon both thought I was under her influence, but there was vervain in my blood at the end, and how long before that? Her influence wouldn't have taken with that essential oil in my system. This backlash against her is almost irrational.

On the other hand, she left Pearl and her coterie to the mercy of the Founders while she fled, and how long did she know Damon was on this mission to free her. Why didn't she bother to make herself known to him?

There's too many questions that can't be answered. Or won't be answered. The past should be put away, the picture... but I can't get rid of it.

For now, I have to get back to myself. No more pages from Damon's play book, I fail at them for good reason. And no more concessions. I'll work the human blood out of my system and go back to animal. The rogues will still be hunted and the boarding house will still be full of vampires. We'll work out the problems as they come.

We pass through time untouched by it, sometimes we leave a mark but it fades. There's nothing permanent for us except each other. I loved him, I worshiped him when we were kids, but it was innocent. He was perfect, everything I wanted to be. When that changed to this consuming, incestuous kind of love, I'm not sure.

I don't think it matters.

Elena says she's okay with it, but I know it's going to be difficult for her. She isn't being replaced, she isn't not good enough. What I have with him is something different entirely. She's my soul mate. He's ... everything.

But he mentioned something about Katherine. She isn't welcome here. She isn't welcome to him.

...and I swear to God, Damon, if you're reading this in ten, twenty years from the original date written, I'm not going to be happy. And trust me, I know you've been reading these. Dick.

I can't believe he would even consider going to her if she came back.

Katherine wasn't in the tomb. She got away before it was sealed.

She knew Damon was searching for her and she didn't... she didn't even tell him. He's spent over a century pining for her, getting everything together to free her.

The look on his face when he found out, I'll never forget it. And I hate her for it.

He's doing better now, I think. Not staring at the wall all day and night. Going out.

We have a truce. It feels like some old wound is healing, that a pain I'd just gotten used to living with is starting to heal and now I can remember what it was like before that wound and have hope for the future.

Elena's been good through all of this, I don't deserve her. And I will make it up to her. This can work, all of it.